I must have had very bad luck

These last months of tension, apprehension and fear, made me think a lot about my life, everything I have learned and I continue to learn, and those who have crossed my path. When I was born, my parents didn't know if I would be a boy or a girl, white, black, Indian, Asian. That didn't matter to them. They were there, open-hearted to receive that little one, whoever it was. The same thing happened to the rest of my family: grandparents, grandfathers, great-grandmother, uncles and aunts, all with open arms to welcome me. My parents taught me to respect the life of living beings regardless of Kingdom, Phylum, Class, Order, Family, Genus or Species. I grew up with friends of all ethnicities and social classes. I studied in public and in private schools, and I never underestimated those that studied in one or the other. I learned from my parents, grandparents and uncles that violence is no solution and only leads to even more violence. They also taught me that knowledge is the greatest and best weapon to: understand where we came from and why things are the way they are today; to analyze and discern paths that will lead to a good future for all and not just for some; not to repeat sad stories of our or other countries; that is, learn from history.

They taught me to respect and appreciate freedom, among them that of coming and going, opinions, being who you are. My parents always made it clear when they don't agree with the decisions I make, but even then, they always stood by me, they've always supported me. Just imagine that with this and other attitudes, my parents taught me to love unconditionally. What an appalling absurd! I was taken to the Scout Movement by my aunt. There I met people from all walks of life. In the movement I learned that we are not alone in the world and that it does not revolve around our bellybutton or our wants, but that we need each other to survive and live. That together we can do more than divided. I grew up learning that differences are not threatening, but enriching. Differences are what make this world amazing. I learned to love people for being people, not for their skin color, for the gender with which they were born, for the country they came from, for sexual orientation, for religion, because that does not define them. No one is better or worse than anyone, we are all the same. What defines a person is their character, not their religion, their ethnicity, their sexual orientation, or gender. They taught me not to be hypocritical and to be honest, and so, I never got carried away by that famous "Brazilian way". I learned that we are all one with the planet and that we need more of him than he does us, so we have to defend him, love him, care for him. I was also taught that the true meaning of family is not in the connection of blood but in the bond of love that we share. Getting out of the closet was easy because I was always sure of their love for me. They never wanted anything but my happiness. They never scorned me for being who I am. To this day my family - without blood ties - never let me down. They were always present, always supportive, always showed unconditional love during each adversity and in every good moment. Yeah... I must have been very unlucky, for it seems that what is lately considered "of good morals" is exactly the opposite of everything they have ever taught me. For if it is so, I prefer to continue being "imoral."

Like a butterfly

In the course of these past six years, I have written and re-written about a variety of things. About being in silence, about loss, about history, about love. Suddenly, the flow of writing stops. It stopped at the same time as life seemed to have stopped too.

For years life seems to have stagnated. The days pass, the lines on the skin grow stronger, birthdays come and go, and still everything seems to be the same.

It's so weird how life changes without us even noticing. After years of feeling numb, deprived of friends and flirts, it seems that the dormant period is finally coming to an end.

Somehow new friends started to come along, laughter and happiness seem to be making themselves present as they haven't been for a long time.

A few things still need to change, but these are practical things, meaningless everyday things. The meaningful ones, the important ones, these are finally starting to show their colors. A new trusted friend, a night of good company and laughter, smiles, a hug, a look.

Like a butterfly emerging from a cocoon , it's good to feel alive again.

The crowd

 Every day, on my way to work, I see all those people on the bus, in the subway and I feel like a number. Just another number. A sad number. Just another one in a group of people that repeat the same day over and over: wake up at the same time, have the same (or almost the same) breakfast, get dressed, and head to work where the same endless tasks will be repeated hour after hour while dreaming of the time they get to go home again and of the weekend ahead unaware that each and every one of those tediously unhappy days is a day in life that will never come back.

I’m part of this crowd with tired and sad eyes on a Monday morning, but my mind never stops wondering about how can people go on repeating endlessly something that doesn’t make them happy? How and what can I do to change my days and not fall into this same sad path my entire life? 

Source: BBC

The crowd moves slowly, in the same pace, even their breaths seem to follow the same anxious and hopeless rhythm. No smiles board the morning train, only serious sleepy faces staring into the void. I don't want to follow the crowd.

We grow up being told to do what we love, but what if what we love doesn’t open doors? What if all the time, effort, tears and joy you put on your dreams, didn't unlock any doors? Eventually you end up in the crowd, this sad Monday crowd. 

How did we get here? How and when did society become this pleasure-less repetition of boring tasks? When did we forget to enjoy ourselves? To enjoy each day? But most importantly, how do we get out of this meaningless existence?

The longer we stay in a job position, the harder it is to get out of it. Not because we don’t want to, but because others will only see the last and longest experience we had. What do to do when you fall into a field you never even thought of, in a job that for you is meaningless? It pays the bills, ok, but is that what life is all about? I, for one, refuse to accept that. But how to change it when you don't know what to do, where to go and how to get there? When you feel completely lost knowing that your career dreams can no longer be? How to change directions when all connections you've been making in this field don't know your potential, don't know your background or even your level of education to be able to refer you to something else, to something better suited to you? 

Source: DeviantArt - Amandine Van Ray

If anyone out there knows the answer for these questions, don't feel shy to come forward, to give tips, to pass along your knowledge on how we can change things. Everyone deserves the chance to wake up to a life that they love, to work in something that fulfills them, to be happy. Sometimes all we need is an outside look to see different perspectives, different paths. It's never too late to climb that mountain and sometimes, all we need is a little push.